booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
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