I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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