i just wanna soil my oats bro
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
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