i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
