suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
