smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
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I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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