Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
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After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
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Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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