pedialite and red bull = repair kit
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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