i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.