I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.