Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.