and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I miss vodka workout Fridays
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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