I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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