Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
