On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Randomize
