I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
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Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
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I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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