she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
