Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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