Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
