I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
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He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
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I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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