I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
