i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
