my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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