Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
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