How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
