I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize
