why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
