Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Randomize
