piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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