She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
