I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
