If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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