the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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