There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
