Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
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Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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