3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
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