Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
