She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
