i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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