we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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