And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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