Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
there is puke in my bra ... again
And then he peed in my hair
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