And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
