I'm so fucking centered right now
Sacagawea was the original milf.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Did I show you my penis last night?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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