So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
