So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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