I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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