ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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