I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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