I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
