That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
