I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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