if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
