we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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