My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got inside last night via doggy door
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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