we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
