while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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