Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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