you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
