This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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