i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Randomize
