The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
We were destined to go to rehab together
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
