they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
My liver just had a heart attack.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Randomize
