Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
