Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
