I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
