The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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