every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
