The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
