I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
