in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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