A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
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