garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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