evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
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I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
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Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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