I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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