No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
