areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
