Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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