I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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