Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
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How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
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my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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