i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
