Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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