I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
