wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
you inspire me to be a worse person
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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